“I have read all the books on cardio, but I am still not losing weight!”
Sounds silly, right?
Yet, this is exactly what happens when it comes to giving feedback. Many professionals can quote HBR articles or leadership bestsellers easily, but when it’s time to give real, constructive feedback—they freeze. They overthink, postpone, or avoid it altogether. And yet, giving and receiving feedback is one of the best signs that your relationship is deepening.
Feedback = Trust + Collaboration
Giving and receiving feedback isn’t just about improving performance—it’s a sign of deep trust and collaboration.
Think about it:
- Would you give honest feedback to someone you don’t care about? Probably not.
- Would you be open to receiving feedback from someone you don’t trust? Doubtful.
When feedback flows freely, it signals a culture where people feel safe, valued, and committed to helping each other grow. Strong teams and effective leaders thrive on this openness. Without it, we stay in our comfort zones, never really coming past that first Connection phase.
The truth is, just like cardio, giving effective feedback is a learned behavior. It doesn’t come naturally to most of us. And just like a new workout routine, it follows the same pattern:
- There’s always an excuse. Another meeting, another deadline—feedback gets pushed to “tomorrow.”
- It feels uncomfortable at first. Especially when you compare yourself to others who seem much better at it.
- The first 30 days are the hardest. But once you push through, it becomes part of your routine.
- And it eventually becomes second nature. Once you crack the code, you start giving feedback effortlessly.
How to Train Your Feedback Muscles
- Prepare. Get your mental process starting before jumping into action. Take notes after a meeting. What would be good feedback to give? How would the person want to receive it?
- Start small. You don’t need to start with a one hour feedback session – a one minute debrief after a meeting is often a good start
- Be compassionate, to yourself and others. It is okay if it is not perfect from the beginning.
At the end of the day, the only effective feedback is the feedback you actually dared to give.
So, drop the book, lace up your feedback sneakers, and get moving!